i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The best revenge is premature balding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
