So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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