You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You need Xanax blowdarts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
