but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
