also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
