Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
