Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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