having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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