whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize