how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
