I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
