Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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