Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
