I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
