Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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