no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
