I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
