My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
