Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Shame - the story of my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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