That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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