had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
