Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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