He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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