I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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