I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
