Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize