I think my fart just growled at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
