Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
