I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize