Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
