if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
