Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
