And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nutella sex= disaster
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize