saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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