Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
