Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
