it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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