maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
