you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
