whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
