I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
