She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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