you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
