Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize