The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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