the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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