The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
