she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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