I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
