Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
