ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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