I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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