I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
