He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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