I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
