So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize