The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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