Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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