just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
