I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
