I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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