Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
