i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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