Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize