If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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