dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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