my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
