i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
