Got a toothbrush?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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