sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
