I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
