I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
