I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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