did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
