end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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