too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
