in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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