he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
why is half of my head shaved?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
