Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
