Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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