At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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