My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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