I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
